**Ok this is a short version of the incredible day I had in Nashville, it's the review that I did for the show for www.honorsocietylive.com, if I were to write all of it...I would run out of space**
"Hello everyone, my name is Marisa and here is a recap on one of the best days ever!
Where to begin...ok so my sister Rina, my brother Raul and friend Claudia got to the venue (The Rutledge) around 1:30pm to start making the line, there were only about 6 people on the line which made me really happy...front row for sure! We waited...and waited...and waited. People weren't showing up because a lot of fans went to 107.5 the River for a free acoustic performance (which they did last time they were in Nashville and I had gone to it) So things were pretty quiet for a while. Around 4pm one of the people from the venue comes and tells us that due to Honor Society's plane getting in late and the performance at the radio station the show was pushed back 2 hours!!! So we ended up waiting for 6hrs because they didn't let us in until 7:30 pm. At the time it always seems ridiculous to wait for someone that long...but once you're inside it's all worth it. While outside we could hear Honor Society soundchecking and we all sang along to Full Moon Crazy...twice.
My friends and I got first row and I was next to some awesome girls I met outside in line (Cara and Erin)
We talked some, about our respective websites (mine being http://www.honorsocietypictures.org ...yes I just advertised myself, feel free to erase this part HSLive) and that's when Inter Adam (from 107.5 the river) came out to introduce Esmee Denters and then she came out...she was good. But I always find it awkward when male bands have female openers...it just doesn't feel right to have a girl sing you love songs, which it's what Esmee was doing...completely awkward.
With her set done and the crew getting the stage set up for Honor Society Erin and I started plotting how to take the setlist after the show :) and once they taped the setlist to the floor it dawned on me that I was first row to see Honor Society again and I got crazy excited and nervous. Excited because I was gonna get to see Honor Society, nervous because I was seeing Honor Society from so close...and when I say close I mean close! So close that Andy's microphone was inches from my face. I love being in a room full of fans as the anticipation of seeing your favorite band starts building up and you feel like the whole room is about to explode with excitement.
With that being said...they totally psyshed us out a few times...first with the fog machine, which lead to fans thinking HS was coming out, which made everyone scream. PSYCH!
Then they dimmed all the lights, which again lead all the fans to believe that they were coming out, which made everyone scream...PSYCH AGAIN!
But like they always say, thirth time's a charm...all the lights when out and BAM! Honor Society comes in and it felt like the whole bulding was shacking because of all the screaming going on...and I LOVED IT! Of course I was also screaming bloody murder.
First song..."Full Moon Crazy" with an arranged intro that was complete tease-worthy, getting us all excited and then stopping, then getting us all excited again and stopping again. Watch this and you'll know what I mean http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Km3Evon0tW0 let's just say, they know how to keep us fans hooked, hahaha.
"Full Moon Crazy" set the mood for the night and the instant they started singing the party was started. And believe me, the night was a party!! Fun Fact. I actually had to control myself from stretching my hand too much, because everytime I would, I would be in danger of touching Andy or whoever came to sing in front of me and I didn't want them to think I was molesting them.
Next in line was "Sing For You" which of course got us all jumping and after that a classic and a crowd pleaser "Two Rebels" (oh oh do you trust me enough...sorry I just have to sing every time that song is mentioned). "Where are you now" was next and then "My Own Way" which I love, speacially when everyone in the crowd starts waving their hands from side to side, love it!
"Here Comes Trouble" was next...and man I love that song so much! They also did a little arrangement to this song, a very slow intro, here's a video of it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8WIdYzzfO8 ...and I stopped writing and watched that video twice, I just love that song so much, it's such a fun song!I like to pretend I'm the girl they're singing about (oh hush, you know you do too!) Hahahaha. After that they did a cover of "You really got me" that's gonna be appearing in Alvin and The Chipmunks 2...awesome!!! I loved it, they added their little twist to it, a little bit of gentlemen-ess, a bit of funk and a whole lot of awesomeness into the mix and the song rocked!!
After that song, Alex came down from the drums and it was time for "Don't Close the Book"...but not before the boys teasing all of us again with their towels full of sweat (how sexy...haha)...are they throwing them to the crowd...no...yes...no...yes...YES!!! And that's when Alex came to our side to say hi to the crowd and I was almost squished to death, hahaha. He grabbed my hand and said "hey what's up"...he recognized me, why does he always catches me by surprise like that? I always think he is the least likely to remember me, but I'm always wrong...he always remembers me. Of course the song is always amazing, so beautiful and the crowd singing it in unison makes it that much chill-worthy.
Next up, another classic with a twist "Why Didn't I" and after that "Nobody Has To Know" which also happens to be a favorite of mine (let me see you bounce...), the bass in this song is amazing, and I'm not saying this just because I love Andy...I'm saying it because it's true, my favorite part of this is song is the bass! You can feel it in your chest cavity, making you lungs and heart vibrate, love it!
"Over You" next, cue scream until your throat bleeds. I pointed to Alex and he pointed at me...clearly he is not over me...hahaha, just kidding (I don't want my sister to kill me in my sleep).
Clap, Clap, Clap..."you were always the girl..." even more screams. "See U in the Dark" is the perfect classic to finish the song with, I believe 99% of the people in the crowd were honor rolling they A**es off. As the song finished a younger fan (read: clearly a teenie) jumped on stage and hugged all the guys, they were laughing. And after that they all took a group bow and left.
But of course with the gentlemen, the party never stops there. Got to do the greet and meet thanks to the fanclub. And in this part I'm just gonna go fast couse I don't want it to sound like I'm showing off. I got hand hugs and had someone get my meet and greet picture from the summer to be signed by them. After that we went inside the venue again and hung out with them and maybe 10 more fans for 40 minutes talking about anything and everything. Got pictures and countless hugs, made jokes, talked with Alex and Andrew about "the thing" that ended up confusing everyone around us because no one was getting it that we were just talking about nothing in particular, hence "the thing". Andy gave me his pick, and got him to listen to my ringtone (the gentlemen's club song) and of course he thought it was the coolest thing ever. Talked about failblog, FML and told him to check out peopleofwalmart.com...more hug and more laughs, they have to leave, hugs again, Andrew accidentally hits my sister in the head and he says its a love bump, gah I love him. I didn't want to leave but at the same time I didn't want to take time away from them. So we left...and that was a super extra short version of everything that went on that night, because believe me, even though this is long, it doesn't begin to cover the epicness of that night. Nashville is always one my favorite places to see bands, it never dissapoints, something epic always happends. Believe me.
Marisa M."
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Taylor Swift and something about bitches
I always want to update my blog, but I never have anything interesting to say...at least not interesting for people to care about. But given the fact that I don't have many readers at all, I guess I can just blab away. Of course, now that I'm here trying to write...I don't know what to write, hahaha!
Ok, so last weekend Rina and I went to Nashville and saw Taylor Swift in concert....wooooo!! her show is pretty amazing, we didn't have the best seats in the house, but they weren't that bad at all. The girls that sat next to us were talkers...as in, they started talking to us since they got there, and kept asking questions nonstop, it wasn't so much annoying, but it was funny...I'm used to talking to random girls and having conversations with strangers at Jonas concerts...and I've been to several non-jonas concerts and we've never talked to the fans around us. I thought it was just a Jonas fans thing. Hahahaha.
Anywho, we knew Taylor was gonna have something special in store for the Nashville show, after all it's her homecoming show...we debated and debated who was gonna come sing with her, my first thought was Faith Hill, since she's such a huge fan...then of course Rina and I started to let out delusions left and right...Rascal Flatts...Justin Timberlake...John Mayer...Miley Cyrus...Demi Lovato...Joe Jonas....you name it, we thought about it. But my instinct were right, and she brought Faith Hill on stage and they sang "The Way You Love Me"... the crowd went WILD!!! I love it when the crowd just looses it and goes craaaaazy. Anyways....we had fun, lots of fun.
On to a less exciting note...work...it still full of drama, unnecessary drama at that. All I need to focus on in my love for nursing, and taking care of my patients and ignore the bitches that want to bring me down. There's no point in worrying about them...they'll sow what the fruits of their actions in time.
Now I'm done, because they can get long and boring, once I start writing I don't know how to stop :)
Ok, so last weekend Rina and I went to Nashville and saw Taylor Swift in concert....wooooo!! her show is pretty amazing, we didn't have the best seats in the house, but they weren't that bad at all. The girls that sat next to us were talkers...as in, they started talking to us since they got there, and kept asking questions nonstop, it wasn't so much annoying, but it was funny...I'm used to talking to random girls and having conversations with strangers at Jonas concerts...and I've been to several non-jonas concerts and we've never talked to the fans around us. I thought it was just a Jonas fans thing. Hahahaha.
Anywho, we knew Taylor was gonna have something special in store for the Nashville show, after all it's her homecoming show...we debated and debated who was gonna come sing with her, my first thought was Faith Hill, since she's such a huge fan...then of course Rina and I started to let out delusions left and right...Rascal Flatts...Justin Timberlake...John Mayer...Miley Cyrus...Demi Lovato...Joe Jonas....you name it, we thought about it. But my instinct were right, and she brought Faith Hill on stage and they sang "The Way You Love Me"... the crowd went WILD!!! I love it when the crowd just looses it and goes craaaaazy. Anyways....we had fun, lots of fun.
On to a less exciting note...work...it still full of drama, unnecessary drama at that. All I need to focus on in my love for nursing, and taking care of my patients and ignore the bitches that want to bring me down. There's no point in worrying about them...they'll sow what the fruits of their actions in time.
Now I'm done, because they can get long and boring, once I start writing I don't know how to stop :)
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Jesus loves me this I know...
I've never ever been told by a guy (other than my dad) that I'm beautiful...I want from the bottom of my soul for a guy to tell my I'm beautiful...I'm the opposite of skinny, I'm short, my eyes are just plain brown, and I was born with a mouth that only smiles a crooked smile...and I feel like I could never attract a man, because I never have...I'm well into my 20s and I have never had a boyfriend...
Why do I care about all that? Why? It's because like you've said, I haven't let my wonderful God to just fill me up from the inside out with his perfect unconditional love...
I love the Lord, he very well knows I love him so so so much...but I struggle with this mind set that society and satan have implanted in my brain that I'm not good enough, that I'm never gonna be good enough...not even good enough to be loved by God, the one and only that doesn't have any rules set to love you.
God tells me every day that I'm beautiful, he whispers it in my ear every moment or every day, every single time that I'm looking at myself in the mirror I can feel him saying it to me. And then...I shut him down...I shake it off and decide to question him...are you sure Lord? because I think you might be wrong...look at my face...do you see this stomach and this arms?...do you see my mouth? it still crooked and unattractive...I question everything...and by the time I'm done arguing with God and filling my own head with insults about myself...that sweet soothing voice of God is gone and replaced by the hate filled voice of the devil, telling me how ugly and unworthy I am, how I'm not worth fighting for, how I'm never gonna be told I'm beautiful, how I'm never gonna be loved...
The good thing is that God is still there...still trying to get a word in...trying to make me feel his love...trying to get inside my heart and show me how worthy of his love I am...how beautiful, special, unique and perfect I am...he still tries to put his arms around me and make me feel loved in every possible way...because he is a God of love, he IS love, he irradiates love and once I let him hold me in his arms I can't help but feel loved...every second, every moment of the day...I can't help but feel completely and fully loved...
***This is what I left to Christa Black as a comment to her latest blog and I wanted to share with everyone, because this is what blogging is all about, right? Hoping for other people to get to know me a bit better***
Why do I care about all that? Why? It's because like you've said, I haven't let my wonderful God to just fill me up from the inside out with his perfect unconditional love...
I love the Lord, he very well knows I love him so so so much...but I struggle with this mind set that society and satan have implanted in my brain that I'm not good enough, that I'm never gonna be good enough...not even good enough to be loved by God, the one and only that doesn't have any rules set to love you.
God tells me every day that I'm beautiful, he whispers it in my ear every moment or every day, every single time that I'm looking at myself in the mirror I can feel him saying it to me. And then...I shut him down...I shake it off and decide to question him...are you sure Lord? because I think you might be wrong...look at my face...do you see this stomach and this arms?...do you see my mouth? it still crooked and unattractive...I question everything...and by the time I'm done arguing with God and filling my own head with insults about myself...that sweet soothing voice of God is gone and replaced by the hate filled voice of the devil, telling me how ugly and unworthy I am, how I'm not worth fighting for, how I'm never gonna be told I'm beautiful, how I'm never gonna be loved...
The good thing is that God is still there...still trying to get a word in...trying to make me feel his love...trying to get inside my heart and show me how worthy of his love I am...how beautiful, special, unique and perfect I am...he still tries to put his arms around me and make me feel loved in every possible way...because he is a God of love, he IS love, he irradiates love and once I let him hold me in his arms I can't help but feel loved...every second, every moment of the day...I can't help but feel completely and fully loved...
***This is what I left to Christa Black as a comment to her latest blog and I wanted to share with everyone, because this is what blogging is all about, right? Hoping for other people to get to know me a bit better***
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I quick rundown on the adventure of a lifetime
So...this happens all the time so I shoudn't be surprised. Once I sit to finally write something my mind goes blank and I don't know what to write about. But I guess even if I'm not inspired to write still have stuff to tell you all about.
First off, on Aug. 16 I went to my second Jonas show, which was fantastic! I had 8th row, but the way it was set up, we ended up being 4th row...eep! Got some amazing pics. Got meet and greet pics with Honor Society...who btw recognized me from DC as soon as I entered the room. It took me completely by surprise. After the concert we drove back home and slept for a few hrs before we took off to Orlando. In Orlando we saw Honor Society at the HOB in Downtown Disney, Andrew said hi to me from the stage, eep! We did meet and greets again that night, there were so adorable and nice. Then the next day we hung out at the Outlets in I-Drive, ate at the CheeseCake Factory (my fav. restaurant) with friends. Went to sleep super late talking and just plain doing nothing. The next day we went to Disney World...yay!! I know people don't understand me or my love for that place, but it is truly one of my favorite places to be...I completely let go of my worries and enjoy the day to the max. I'm a kid at heart, and my heart rejoices every time I go to Disney. I can't explain it, but I know there are people out there (like my sister and some of my friends) that understand completely what I mean.
At Disney, we went to Magic Kingdom, Epcot and Disney's Hollywood Studios, all in the same day, which left me at the end of the night, with the soarest legs I had had in years. Lack of sleep, jumping at concerts, standing in line for hrs, the heat, the lack of nutritional food, the overdrinking of sodas and not enough water, long hrs of driving...it all was starting to take a toll on me, and on friday I had to work. But thank God I was cancelled and got to sleep all day and gain back my strength.
On Monday Aug 24th, we took off to Nashville and went straight to 105.7 The River radio station to see Honor Society...again. I just love those boys sooo much! Got to seat front row, the boys hen they came in, immediately recognized me. Andrew winked at me 2 times! They answered my question about if I could be their nurse on tour, the laughed so hard :) Michael gave me his gitar pick. Then we did meet and greet pics. After that we hung out with out friends around the radio station and then took off to our hotel that happened to be next to the Hermitage where JB's band was staying, so we saw Garbo and Ryan smoking cigars (which was the biggest turn off ever for me)...but to our surprise, unexpectedly we see Nick Jonas come out of the hotel and bam! I took a pic with him and Papa J...it still hasn't hit me, really...
That night again we met him, Rina took a pic with him, he asked me if I wanted a picture but his security guard (Mike) kept trying to take him away so I just said no, cause I felt bad.
9 girls slept in the same hotel room...yeah...that was interesting.
On tuesday, concert day...we saw Nick Jonas again, this time I just recorded him being the perfect boy he is, and admired from the distance, hahaha. The FurBus girls reunited...Kasey, Ashley, Ciera, Rina and I. But I just realized that we didnt take a pic together...booo! After that we ate, saw the band again, walked to the venue and hung around until concert time...also saw Christa Black. The concert was one of the loudest, funnest concerts I have been to...it started with Honor Society and the crowd went insane, you could see in their faces that they were taken aback by how much the crowd was screaming for them. After their set we took off for meet and greets with HS again...and Gio, their security guard was gonna give me the instructions and he goes "never mind, you know the drill, you've done this plenty of times" which completely took me by surprise, because he recognized me, that is amazing! After the meet and greets, it was concert time and we barely made it on time! But the concert was fantastic!!!! so much fun!!! I wanted to cry 'cause it was my last JB concert, but I was having too good of a time to think too much about it.
After the concert, we tried going to eat to our favorite place...jack in the box, but it was closed....wtf??? After that we said our goodbyes and all the girls went their own way...well, actually Rina and I went out way and the rest went another way to their next concert...luckies.
And that was my adventure...2 weeks of just complete craziness, fun, laughs, sweat, jumps and just complete joy. I know I rushed through it...believe me, so much happened that I would have to write for few hrs, and I'm not exaggerating either, it was fantastic!!!
First off, on Aug. 16 I went to my second Jonas show, which was fantastic! I had 8th row, but the way it was set up, we ended up being 4th row...eep! Got some amazing pics. Got meet and greet pics with Honor Society...who btw recognized me from DC as soon as I entered the room. It took me completely by surprise. After the concert we drove back home and slept for a few hrs before we took off to Orlando. In Orlando we saw Honor Society at the HOB in Downtown Disney, Andrew said hi to me from the stage, eep! We did meet and greets again that night, there were so adorable and nice. Then the next day we hung out at the Outlets in I-Drive, ate at the CheeseCake Factory (my fav. restaurant) with friends. Went to sleep super late talking and just plain doing nothing. The next day we went to Disney World...yay!! I know people don't understand me or my love for that place, but it is truly one of my favorite places to be...I completely let go of my worries and enjoy the day to the max. I'm a kid at heart, and my heart rejoices every time I go to Disney. I can't explain it, but I know there are people out there (like my sister and some of my friends) that understand completely what I mean.
At Disney, we went to Magic Kingdom, Epcot and Disney's Hollywood Studios, all in the same day, which left me at the end of the night, with the soarest legs I had had in years. Lack of sleep, jumping at concerts, standing in line for hrs, the heat, the lack of nutritional food, the overdrinking of sodas and not enough water, long hrs of driving...it all was starting to take a toll on me, and on friday I had to work. But thank God I was cancelled and got to sleep all day and gain back my strength.
On Monday Aug 24th, we took off to Nashville and went straight to 105.7 The River radio station to see Honor Society...again. I just love those boys sooo much! Got to seat front row, the boys hen they came in, immediately recognized me. Andrew winked at me 2 times! They answered my question about if I could be their nurse on tour, the laughed so hard :) Michael gave me his gitar pick. Then we did meet and greet pics. After that we hung out with out friends around the radio station and then took off to our hotel that happened to be next to the Hermitage where JB's band was staying, so we saw Garbo and Ryan smoking cigars (which was the biggest turn off ever for me)...but to our surprise, unexpectedly we see Nick Jonas come out of the hotel and bam! I took a pic with him and Papa J...it still hasn't hit me, really...
That night again we met him, Rina took a pic with him, he asked me if I wanted a picture but his security guard (Mike) kept trying to take him away so I just said no, cause I felt bad.
9 girls slept in the same hotel room...yeah...that was interesting.
On tuesday, concert day...we saw Nick Jonas again, this time I just recorded him being the perfect boy he is, and admired from the distance, hahaha. The FurBus girls reunited...Kasey, Ashley, Ciera, Rina and I. But I just realized that we didnt take a pic together...booo! After that we ate, saw the band again, walked to the venue and hung around until concert time...also saw Christa Black. The concert was one of the loudest, funnest concerts I have been to...it started with Honor Society and the crowd went insane, you could see in their faces that they were taken aback by how much the crowd was screaming for them. After their set we took off for meet and greets with HS again...and Gio, their security guard was gonna give me the instructions and he goes "never mind, you know the drill, you've done this plenty of times" which completely took me by surprise, because he recognized me, that is amazing! After the meet and greets, it was concert time and we barely made it on time! But the concert was fantastic!!!! so much fun!!! I wanted to cry 'cause it was my last JB concert, but I was having too good of a time to think too much about it.
After the concert, we tried going to eat to our favorite place...jack in the box, but it was closed....wtf??? After that we said our goodbyes and all the girls went their own way...well, actually Rina and I went out way and the rest went another way to their next concert...luckies.
And that was my adventure...2 weeks of just complete craziness, fun, laughs, sweat, jumps and just complete joy. I know I rushed through it...believe me, so much happened that I would have to write for few hrs, and I'm not exaggerating either, it was fantastic!!!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
More about nothing and a birthday
So I'm officially a year older than before...but a lady never reveals her age, so try guessing how old I am...damn! Who am I kidding, everyone knows my age, I am now 27 years OLD. My birthday was not very out of the ordinary, was at home by myself until like 5pm, tried going shopping and by myself some presents, but that was a total fail. Then bought me some yummy Ice Cream cake for that night. The best part was at night, because my dad grilled some meat, ribs and chicken, my mom made some amazing potato salad that I love. The food was amazing and got to eat with my family, who I love the most in the whole world!
So many things have happened in the last year that I now realize thinking about it. At this time last year I was still finishing things for the new unit (for those that don't know, unit is a floor/area in the hospital), I was getting ready for my first Jonas Brothers concert. Through out the year, I've improved as a nurse in so many levels, I've slowly started accepting myself the way I am, I have embraced my singleness and decided to enjoy it to the fullest. I've gone to many concerts, driven countless hours for them. I've embark in adventures with my faithful companion, best friend - my sister. I've let go of many things that used to hold me back, and I've started to learn how to have fun again. I've met so many new people...people that before I would have never talked to. I've fallen in love with music again...for a while I had given up on it.
But there is a bizillion things that I haven't accomplished in live that I thought I would by this age, but if I start thinking about them, I'll curl up into a ball in bed with a bucket of ice cream next to me and only songs that make me cry playing on my ipod. hahaha. And of course I'm nowhere near where I wanna be on my relationship with God, but that of course is all my fault. Another not so great thing that happened this past year, is my brother separating from his wife. I wanna cry everytime I think about it. I know some people are like, so what, everyone get a divorce. But I never thought it would actually happen to my brother and Amber. And Amber such a big part of out family, she was basically my sister too, one of my best friends. She was a daughter to my parents, even my dogs loved her. All my pictures from the past 4-5 years, she's in them, our family pictures have always included her. It's been 7 months since she told him she wanted to separate, and there's still no explanation for it. I'm still in the dark, trying to figure out what happened. It kills me to see my brother hurting. And I'm gonna stop now 'cause my eyes are getting watery.
Amongst other things, I got the results of my genetic testing, and I do not have Lynch Disease, which basically means that I don't have a mutated gene. If I did, I would have an 80% of getting colon cancer again by the time I'm 35, and a 78% of getting uterine cancer by the time I'm 40, amongst several other cancers. But now, I can relax because my chances of getting those cancers are like anyone else in the world. Of course the doctors are still worried because I was so young when I got colon cancer and because no one in my family has a history of it, so when it comes to that type of cancer I'm still at risk, and I still have to have a colonoscopy every year...yuck! And by yuck I mean, disgusting crap that I have to drink to....crap. I don't care about the tube shoved up my butt because well...I don't even realized it because I'm so drugged up during the procedure. And by the way, not to sound weird, but I love that feeling of getting anesthesia, that moment when you feel the medicine enter your body, and you get really sleepy, and I put my life on God's hand and fall asleep into one of the most profound sleeps ever, and when you wake up is all over, and you don't even know the time of the day. Yeah, so people freak out about that. I, in the other hand, love it!
Of course, I'm not really normal, I have no shame to talk about penises, poop, and weird things on people's bodies. I've only been a nurse for 5 years, but I've seen my share of things, and I love to share it with the world, of course, the world hates it when I share it. That's why, I love joking around with my fellow nurses, they understand...and sometimes we sit around sharing the nastiest, grosses things we can think of, just to see who gets grossed out first. I know...nasty and crazy, but that's the nurses' humor for you.
And I just went off on a tangent...so I'm gonna stop writing before I start telling you people about stuff I shouldn't be sharing about patients. Tomorrow I'm going to Nashville to see Demi Lovato in concert, should be fun.
So many things have happened in the last year that I now realize thinking about it. At this time last year I was still finishing things for the new unit (for those that don't know, unit is a floor/area in the hospital), I was getting ready for my first Jonas Brothers concert. Through out the year, I've improved as a nurse in so many levels, I've slowly started accepting myself the way I am, I have embraced my singleness and decided to enjoy it to the fullest. I've gone to many concerts, driven countless hours for them. I've embark in adventures with my faithful companion, best friend - my sister. I've let go of many things that used to hold me back, and I've started to learn how to have fun again. I've met so many new people...people that before I would have never talked to. I've fallen in love with music again...for a while I had given up on it.
But there is a bizillion things that I haven't accomplished in live that I thought I would by this age, but if I start thinking about them, I'll curl up into a ball in bed with a bucket of ice cream next to me and only songs that make me cry playing on my ipod. hahaha. And of course I'm nowhere near where I wanna be on my relationship with God, but that of course is all my fault. Another not so great thing that happened this past year, is my brother separating from his wife. I wanna cry everytime I think about it. I know some people are like, so what, everyone get a divorce. But I never thought it would actually happen to my brother and Amber. And Amber such a big part of out family, she was basically my sister too, one of my best friends. She was a daughter to my parents, even my dogs loved her. All my pictures from the past 4-5 years, she's in them, our family pictures have always included her. It's been 7 months since she told him she wanted to separate, and there's still no explanation for it. I'm still in the dark, trying to figure out what happened. It kills me to see my brother hurting. And I'm gonna stop now 'cause my eyes are getting watery.
Amongst other things, I got the results of my genetic testing, and I do not have Lynch Disease, which basically means that I don't have a mutated gene. If I did, I would have an 80% of getting colon cancer again by the time I'm 35, and a 78% of getting uterine cancer by the time I'm 40, amongst several other cancers. But now, I can relax because my chances of getting those cancers are like anyone else in the world. Of course the doctors are still worried because I was so young when I got colon cancer and because no one in my family has a history of it, so when it comes to that type of cancer I'm still at risk, and I still have to have a colonoscopy every year...yuck! And by yuck I mean, disgusting crap that I have to drink to....crap. I don't care about the tube shoved up my butt because well...I don't even realized it because I'm so drugged up during the procedure. And by the way, not to sound weird, but I love that feeling of getting anesthesia, that moment when you feel the medicine enter your body, and you get really sleepy, and I put my life on God's hand and fall asleep into one of the most profound sleeps ever, and when you wake up is all over, and you don't even know the time of the day. Yeah, so people freak out about that. I, in the other hand, love it!
Of course, I'm not really normal, I have no shame to talk about penises, poop, and weird things on people's bodies. I've only been a nurse for 5 years, but I've seen my share of things, and I love to share it with the world, of course, the world hates it when I share it. That's why, I love joking around with my fellow nurses, they understand...and sometimes we sit around sharing the nastiest, grosses things we can think of, just to see who gets grossed out first. I know...nasty and crazy, but that's the nurses' humor for you.
And I just went off on a tangent...so I'm gonna stop writing before I start telling you people about stuff I shouldn't be sharing about patients. Tomorrow I'm going to Nashville to see Demi Lovato in concert, should be fun.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Something about love maybe
So nothing interesting is going on in my life right now. I'm always doing something, but I don't think anything is worth mentioning.
One of my best friends (she's from Orlando) is getting married this Saturday. I found this out from another good friend, not even from her! I had to find out that she had a boyfriend through facebook, and I thought they had known each other for a while. Come to find out she's known him for like a month and they've been dating for only 3 weeks!! He's from Morocco, his visa expires in January, he barely speaks the language and he's muslim. I'm not sure how to tell her not to do it. I don't want her to get mad at me and then not talk to me period. I'm just afraid that she's going to marry him because she thinks she won't have another chance to marry someone, that she won't fin someone to love her. Believe me, sometimes I'm scare I'll do the same. Sometimes think that if someone comes around that likes me but he's not good for me, I'm gonna be with him because I don"t think I'm gonna find someone else to love me.
.....
On another note...Christa Black majorly rules! Her blogs make me cry, she writes as she is reading my thoughts, how amazing is that? Today she wrote about crushes...and damn! she's good. Becausse she posted it as I was writing about my friend. Just in time...just as I was to stupidly write that I at least want someone to crush on that not have anyone at all in my life.
"i would pray and pray and pray that God would take it away....but i thought so much about him, it was impossible not to feel something. i didn't have anyone around me i was even remotely attracted to...so it became very easy to glorify this situation, and make it a heck of a lot bigger than it actually was. and as sad as this sounds....because i never had anyone, the torture of liking someone who didn't like me back was better than having no one on the horizon. or at least i thought." - Christa Black
That right there is exactly what my life has been about for the last....hmmm....3 years? Then she goes on and writes this
"i gave my heart to someone...the thing that my life flowed out of...my emotions, my days...my speech...EVERYTHING....i handed that heart to someone who had never fought to pursue it, or even shown interest to earn it. your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions, and i'd handed him my soul without him doing anything. it did nothing to affect him....but it was ruining every day of my life."
There is nothing more that a woman wants than to be persued and have a man fight for her heart, to make her feel worth the persue. And when I read this, it hit me...when did I forget about all of this? when did I forget about what I always wanted? A guy that will fight for me. I want to be loved, treasured, feel beautiful, held tightly, romanced. And I will be praying for that from now on. I'm gonna stop writing now, because I have a few tears rolling down my face, and I'm afraid I'm gonna start rambling.
PS. This song by Christa Black is just.....perfect
HOLDING MY HEART
why do you have to be everything i'm looking for
why do you have to be something that i don't have
why do our worlds collide when you live far on the other side
there must be a million miles between everything we are
why do i miss you when i've never had you and
why do i give something that you've never earned
CHORUS:
why are you holding my heart
why are you holding my heart (when you don't even know)
you're holding my heart
why are you holding my heart
when you don't even know
know that you hold the keys
i shouldn't have put into your hands
without knowing anything
without knowing enough
how do i fight something when i'm so tired of feeling
and why do i give what you haven't yet deserved
CHORUS:
why are you holding my heart
why are you holding my heart (when you don't even know)
you're holding my heart
why are you holding my heart
when you don't even know
BRIDGE:
it's been three years, three years too long
i've climbed this hill
i've prayed to rewrite the song
but when i see you all my walls fall down, down, down
down, down, down
www.myspace.com/christablack
One of my best friends (she's from Orlando) is getting married this Saturday. I found this out from another good friend, not even from her! I had to find out that she had a boyfriend through facebook, and I thought they had known each other for a while. Come to find out she's known him for like a month and they've been dating for only 3 weeks!! He's from Morocco, his visa expires in January, he barely speaks the language and he's muslim. I'm not sure how to tell her not to do it. I don't want her to get mad at me and then not talk to me period. I'm just afraid that she's going to marry him because she thinks she won't have another chance to marry someone, that she won't fin someone to love her. Believe me, sometimes I'm scare I'll do the same. Sometimes think that if someone comes around that likes me but he's not good for me, I'm gonna be with him because I don"t think I'm gonna find someone else to love me.
.....
On another note...Christa Black majorly rules! Her blogs make me cry, she writes as she is reading my thoughts, how amazing is that? Today she wrote about crushes...and damn! she's good. Becausse she posted it as I was writing about my friend. Just in time...just as I was to stupidly write that I at least want someone to crush on that not have anyone at all in my life.
"i would pray and pray and pray that God would take it away....but i thought so much about him, it was impossible not to feel something. i didn't have anyone around me i was even remotely attracted to...so it became very easy to glorify this situation, and make it a heck of a lot bigger than it actually was. and as sad as this sounds....because i never had anyone, the torture of liking someone who didn't like me back was better than having no one on the horizon. or at least i thought." - Christa Black
That right there is exactly what my life has been about for the last....hmmm....3 years? Then she goes on and writes this
"i gave my heart to someone...the thing that my life flowed out of...my emotions, my days...my speech...EVERYTHING....i handed that heart to someone who had never fought to pursue it, or even shown interest to earn it. your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions, and i'd handed him my soul without him doing anything. it did nothing to affect him....but it was ruining every day of my life."
There is nothing more that a woman wants than to be persued and have a man fight for her heart, to make her feel worth the persue. And when I read this, it hit me...when did I forget about all of this? when did I forget about what I always wanted? A guy that will fight for me. I want to be loved, treasured, feel beautiful, held tightly, romanced. And I will be praying for that from now on. I'm gonna stop writing now, because I have a few tears rolling down my face, and I'm afraid I'm gonna start rambling.
PS. This song by Christa Black is just.....perfect
HOLDING MY HEART
why do you have to be everything i'm looking for
why do you have to be something that i don't have
why do our worlds collide when you live far on the other side
there must be a million miles between everything we are
why do i miss you when i've never had you and
why do i give something that you've never earned
CHORUS:
why are you holding my heart
why are you holding my heart (when you don't even know)
you're holding my heart
why are you holding my heart
when you don't even know
know that you hold the keys
i shouldn't have put into your hands
without knowing anything
without knowing enough
how do i fight something when i'm so tired of feeling
and why do i give what you haven't yet deserved
CHORUS:
why are you holding my heart
why are you holding my heart (when you don't even know)
you're holding my heart
why are you holding my heart
when you don't even know
BRIDGE:
it's been three years, three years too long
i've climbed this hill
i've prayed to rewrite the song
but when i see you all my walls fall down, down, down
down, down, down
www.myspace.com/christablack
Friday, July 17, 2009
Cake & Ice Cream
It's friday...basically family night. I'm sitting in the couch in our living room, and my family surrounds me. My aunt, uncle and cousin are here from Argentina, and I'm so happy for my dad, he is so happy to see his sister. I haven't seen this aunt since I was like 7 years old, so basically its been almost 20 years ago.
I love this, I love being with my family, just hanging out and talking about everything. The TV is off, no music playing, my dog in my lap, there's ice cream and cake from my uncle's bday, life's good.
What kinda depresses me is the fact that I have to work tomorrow. I've been off for a week and its been incredible. Going back to that place where I work sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love being a nurse, I just hate that where I work I don't trust people, only like 3 nurses I trust, the rest have failed me, that place is like high school, so much drama, so uncalled for! But I don't wanna offend anyone, so I won't say anything else. All I know is that my job has becomed not very enjoyable because of the drama.
Right now, I'm gonna finish enjoying my night with my family! God loves me, he has to! He gave so much, there's just no other explaination that the fact that He loves me!
I love this, I love being with my family, just hanging out and talking about everything. The TV is off, no music playing, my dog in my lap, there's ice cream and cake from my uncle's bday, life's good.
What kinda depresses me is the fact that I have to work tomorrow. I've been off for a week and its been incredible. Going back to that place where I work sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love being a nurse, I just hate that where I work I don't trust people, only like 3 nurses I trust, the rest have failed me, that place is like high school, so much drama, so uncalled for! But I don't wanna offend anyone, so I won't say anything else. All I know is that my job has becomed not very enjoyable because of the drama.
Right now, I'm gonna finish enjoying my night with my family! God loves me, he has to! He gave so much, there's just no other explaination that the fact that He loves me!
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