Something about love maybe

So nothing interesting is going on in my life right now. I'm always doing something, but I don't think anything is worth mentioning.

One of my best friends (she's from Orlando) is getting married this Saturday. I found this out from another good friend, not even from her! I had to find out that she had a boyfriend through facebook, and I thought they had known each other for a while. Come to find out she's known him for like a month and they've been dating for only 3 weeks!! He's from Morocco, his visa expires in January, he barely speaks the language and he's muslim. I'm not sure how to tell her not to do it. I don't want her to get mad at me and then not talk to me period. I'm just afraid that she's going to marry him because she thinks she won't have another chance to marry someone, that she won't fin someone to love her. Believe me, sometimes I'm scare I'll do the same. Sometimes think that if someone comes around that likes me but he's not good for me, I'm gonna be with him because I don"t think I'm gonna find someone else to love me.

.....

On another note...Christa Black majorly rules! Her blogs make me cry, she writes as she is reading my thoughts, how amazing is that? Today she wrote about crushes...and damn! she's good. Becausse she posted it as I was writing about my friend. Just in time...just as I was to stupidly write that I at least want someone to crush on that not have anyone at all in my life.

"i would pray and pray and pray that God would take it away....but i thought so much about him, it was impossible not to feel something. i didn't have anyone around me i was even remotely attracted to...so it became very easy to glorify this situation, and make it a heck of a lot bigger than it actually was. and as sad as this sounds....because i never had anyone, the torture of liking someone who didn't like me back was better than having no one on the horizon. or at least i thought." - Christa Black

That right there is exactly what my life has been about for the last....hmmm....3 years? Then she goes on and writes this

"i gave my heart to someone...the thing that my life flowed out of...my emotions, my days...my speech...EVERYTHING....i handed that heart to someone who had never fought to pursue it, or even shown interest to earn it. your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions, and i'd handed him my soul without him doing anything. it did nothing to affect him....but it was ruining every day of my life."

There is nothing more that a woman wants than to be persued and have a man fight for her heart, to make her feel worth the persue. And when I read this, it hit me...when did I forget about all of this? when did I forget about what I always wanted? A guy that will fight for me. I want to be loved, treasured, feel beautiful, held tightly, romanced. And I will be praying for that from now on. I'm gonna stop writing now, because I have a few tears rolling down my face, and I'm afraid I'm gonna start rambling.


PS. This song by Christa Black is just.....perfect

HOLDING MY HEART

why do you have to be everything i'm looking for
why do you have to be something that i don't have
why do our worlds collide when you live far on the other side
there must be a million miles between everything we are

why do i miss you when i've never had you and
why do i give something that you've never earned

CHORUS:
why are you holding my heart
why are you holding my heart (when you don't even know)
you're holding my heart
why are you holding my heart
when you don't even know

know that you hold the keys
i shouldn't have put into your hands
without knowing anything
without knowing enough

how do i fight something when i'm so tired of feeling
and why do i give what you haven't yet deserved

CHORUS:
why are you holding my heart
why are you holding my heart (when you don't even know)
you're holding my heart
why are you holding my heart
when you don't even know

BRIDGE:
it's been three years, three years too long
i've climbed this hill
i've prayed to rewrite the song
but when i see you all my walls fall down, down, down
down, down, down

www.myspace.com/christablack